Break-ups, as the pop girlies have long been attuned—see: Whitney Houston, Gwen Stefani, Robyn—are wholly unpleasant affairs. Whether you’re breaking up with someone or being broken up with (or involved in one of those mature, amicable situations you hear about), you’re effectively saying goodbye, which is, generally speaking, A Sad Event. What makes it even worse? Over the next week/month/year you’ll live out multiple clichés, thus adding a layer of frustration and potentially even embarrassment to proceedings. Your person was really special and what you had was genuinely unique? I don’t doubt it! But you’re still on track towards entertaining several silly tropes before you’re properly healed. Sorry about that.
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Of course, knowing you’re not the only one can also be a welcoming comfort. Vogue columnist and VICE writer, Annie Lord pens particularly wonderful words on relationships and intimacy. In her debut book Notes On Heartbreak, she muses that “heartbreak is like a chronic illness I have learned to live with,” while Jennifer Wright, who literally wrote the book on historically bad break-ups, reminds us that “there are a lot more break-ups in this point in history than there ever have been before.”While there’s no perfect way to say farewell and all heart’s ache differently, there are plenty of methods that can help to avoid feeling like a dick, and may even stop the pain quicker. So we’ve put together a definitive guide for when you’re really going through it. This should be pretty obvious right? Well, not quite. Not every break-up is the culmination of months spent arguing, a single act of malice, or some deeper mistreatment. Some start to unfold before you’re properly in control of what’s happening, and others kind of unravel like a secret you can’t hide. “Our brains will always go to the path of least resistance,” explains relationship expert and neuropsychotherapist Joanne Wilson. “So if there’s the thought of breaking up with someone, it is far easier just to keep doing what you’re doing. Our thoughts can be limiting, so it’s important to push past that resistance and get to the core of the issue.” Love isn’t fair, but you can’t let guilt be the reason you stay—it’s not fair to them, or to you. Do you still enjoy their company? Does it feel like your lives are becoming too different? Is there an element of resentment creeping in? Are you thinking about other people to the point of yearning? Then quit stalling for time and make your feelings known.
How to know when a relationship is over
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How to break up with someone
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How to get over it
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