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Health

Healthcare Plans for Every Lifestyle

If you have to pay for it, you might as well choose the one that fits you best.
Photo: Jacki Portolese / Stocksy

In October of 2012, my mother retired from the workforce. I was 21 years old and a sophomore in college. Obama had already been in office for about five years, and the term Obamacare was steadily gaining buzz. I was clueless about all of this, though, since prior to my mother's retirement, I had solid health insurance coverage from her job. And like many other 21-year-olds, my main focus was on how to stay wasted all weekend and still manage to get an 'A' on an exam the following week. Yet despite my liquor-loving hubris, I went to the doctor frequently; at one point I was even a bit of a hypochondriac. Good insurance and wild imagination will sometimes do that to you. Now, I'm 25 and not covered anymore—not by my college, since I've graduated, nor by a parent—which means I have to do some soul-searching to decide which Obamacare plan to enroll in. While details on Donald Trump's dismantling of the Affordable Care Act have yet to be disclosed, those who aren't insured (ahem, me) should brace for change. We all should, really. In the meantime, open enrollment started on November 1, and will end January 31, 2017. Whatever I enroll in now should take me through the year regardless of what Trump decides to do. The plans are categorized by "metals," which signify their level of price and percentage of coverage: bronze being the lowest in coverage and platinum being the most expensive, but best in coverage. In an attempt to make the tedious process feel more like the self-care that everyone keeps pushing on me post-election, I've decided to choose one based on my personal preferences and lifestyle choices.

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As a charming, socially conscious nut job who is tethered to my computer, I tend to veer toward plans designed for creative basket cases with a cause. A comprehensive silver plan—if I can afford it—works best for me considering the fact that I'm a freelance writer, and at certain points need Valium and/or a dedicated therapist to get me through all of my artistically induced emotions. In an effort to make enrollment for you easier, I've compiled a list of potential insurance plans (a sampling from across the country) that cater to your lifestyle, whatever you're into.

For the hipster:

Regular doctors are not your jam—I get it. Let's face it, coconut oil is sufficient for almost everything from oral hygiene (instead of drying mouthwash, horrors) to conditioning your Rick Ross-like beard. And yes, some good bud is equivalent to visiting a shrink. Fall off your skateboard? Homie from the tattoo shop down the block can get you some patches and some killer patchouli oil. For these reasons, something like the Molina Healthcare bronze plan is perfect for you. This plan boasts a reasonable prescription deductible—and get this: it excludes everything else like routine eye-care, but it does cover acupuncture.

For the Grey's-Anatomy–obsessed hypochondriac:

This one is for the folks who get a small cut on their finger and head straight for the emergency room. No judgement—we've all watched, horrified on a Thursday night, as Dr. Bailey amputates a grisly left leg that started out as a simple bruise. You really do never know. For these scaredy-cats, heartburn is always a heart attack and Health First 2017 Platinum Leaf Premier is all you. It yields a pricey monthly premium but it's only a $15 co-pay for primary care, and $35 for a specialist. You can drop in on your doc to ask about that broken nail as often as you go to Chipotle. And phone access to a board-certified doctor is available 24/7 through Telemedicine.

For those who must keep up with the Joneses:

You believe that the best doctors mean the very best in healthcare. Makes sense; your teeth have been looking whiter since you've been going to Beyoncé's dentist. And if by chance you need an X-Ray or MRI, Elizabeth M. Hecht of Presbyterian Hospital in New York City—rated one of New York Magazine's Best Doctors—is your best bet. So embrace your status as a highroller. You can enroll in Empire Blue Cross Blue Shield's Empire Silver Blue Priority EPO plan (rest assured, Hecht takes it) and enjoy your healthcare with a side of pretension.

For the dancer:

The freelance artist life has you teaching a million dance classes a day. You're getting ready to tour with Rihanna and Nicki Minaj. In order to stay in shape and keep those legs in motion, you also spend hours at the gym conditioning those muscles. Blue Cross Blue Shield's Silver plan is befit for your lifestyle. There's a low copay to see a specialist for any pirouette-related sprains and its Blue365 program provides its members discounts on gym memberships, diet programs, sports and even gear. So don't worry about wearing your kicks out—you can just get another pair.

For the single dad:

We know it's not easy being a single parent, but for all the men out there being superman for their kids, Obamacare is your cape. In addition to the slew of insurance plans you can get for yourself, there is the Children's Health Insurance Program (CHIP), which offers free or low-cost healthcare for your money-eating munchkins. Perfect for when you're not sure whether a penny up the nose warrants a trip to doctor (not a father yet, but I heard it does). Best of all, it even works in states that didn't expand their Medicaid coverage.

For the Republican:

You guys are probably not about this Obamacare life, so good luck and godspeed. The rest of us will be getting our acupuncture at a reasonable rate.