Not The Onion

Kellyanne Conway Recommends Eating Ice Cream and French Fries Instead of Buying Fentanyl

Conway, the head of President Trump's opioids cabinet, said college kids who don't eat sugar or carbs but buy drugs should reconsider their habits.

Susan  Rinkunas

Susan Rinkunas

Alex Wong, Getty Images

Counselor to the President and "opioids cabinet" head Kellyanne Conway told a room full of college students today that they should eat junk food instead of buying drugs that could be laced with fentanyl. Specifically, she recommended having ice cream and one (1) french fry instead of using drugs.

Conway, who was speaking at the Generation Next forum hosted by the White House in Washington DC, said the panel would address crises on college campuses, including drug use. She mentioned President Trump's recently unveiled plan to take on the opioid epidemic and that illicit drugs are coming into the country "over our southern border, in our mails, frankly, and elsewise." But if the audience remembered nothing else from today, she urged them to take heed about fentanyl.

"On our college campuses, your folks are reading the labels, they won't put any sugar in their body, they don't eat carbs anymore, and they're very, very fastidious about what goes into their body. And then you buy a street drug for $5 or $10, it's laced with fentanyl, and that's it. So I guess my short advice is, as somebody double your age: eat the ice cream, have the french fry, don't buy the street drug. Believe me, it all works out."

That is, just, wow. It's a "Just Say No" message aimed at people who drink green juice. (Trump's plan does include "spending a lot of money on great commercials to show how bad it is.")

Watch her comments below. That's Health secretary Alex Azar to her right, smiling when Conway says college kids don't eat sugar anymore, then nodding very seriously and approvingly when she suggests that there's a crisis of people fixated on clean eating who also use illicit drugs. (Don't they know that people obsessed with wellness are actually really afraid of dying?)

Trump has offered Conway the role of interim White House communications director and she is seriously considering it.

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