I Botoxed My Balls to Make Them Look Nicer
Like a couple of smooth, round river rocks swaying in a silk handkerchief.
I Got My Head Tattooed to Make My Hair Look Thicker
I almost looked tough—or capable of carrying out an automotive repair.
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I Tried Man Spanx and My Body Looked Totally Unreal
From every angle, I looked remarkably more aerodynamic, if faintly ridiculous.
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