Teen Mums on Being Judged and Loving Their Kids

"Because of you mommy, I'm less likely to get a college degree."

It was these billboards in the subway, a local government campaign that aimed to deter teen pregnancy, that first got New Zealand documentary maker Juliette Veber thinking about making a film project about teen motherhood. "I don't believe in shame tactics," Veber told VICE. "Imagine if you were a pregnant and a teenager and saw that advertising campaign from the city of New York."

Teen pregnancy is almost never talked about in positive terms. Closer to home, when the National Party announced the scrapping of the school decile system in favour of a "risk index" for funding, the age of mothers was named as one of the key factors the new system would take into account.

But for all the judgment and shame and government concern over the issue, teen pregnancies do happen. Globally the rate is falling—there's a theory Facebook has something to do with that. New Zealand's rate of teen pregnancy has halved since 2008 to 16 births per 1,000 women aged 15 to 19.

"I wanted to demystify what it's really like and show how hard it is," says Veber. Over four years she documented the lives of 16 young mums, collating their experiences in photos, text and film on the website Conservations with Teen Mums. Veber shared these images of four of the mums, and their experiences in their own words.

Pregnant at 14

"My grandad found out through my mum. He asked me why I didn't tell them. Cause they didn't find out until I was four months. My grandad wasn't really happy with it. He gave us this quote. It's in Tongan. It's like you have a cup of wine and once you spill it you can't gather it back up. And he says that's what happened with me. I've spilled my cup of wine and I can't gather it back up. I felt hurt that I let him down. It was a big let down."

"I felt really judged. I didn't want to go out of the house. I practically stayed home for three months straight after I had baby. And then I had to face it when baby got baptised. First it was going to church. And that's where I was judged a lot. My family was judged as well. My grandad's a minister and everyone was expecting more, like, they expect high standards. It was a lot of pressure for me. It really destroyed me inside cause I know that I didn't live up to what they expected of me."

"I have a dream. That's for me to finish school and get a good job, buy a little house or something that we can stay in. Support my dad and my grandparents if they're still around. I want my son to do better than I did when I was younger. I want him to be in school. I don't want him to repeat what I lived."

Pregnant at 15

"My brother and my ex would put on their big jackets and go steal meat from the supermarket to feed me until my mum and her partner found a house and I decided it was time to get out and move back in with her to get through this pregnancy. "

"When I was growing up my mum wasn't around. Like, she couldn't support us as kids. She had my brother when she was 16 and she was 20 when she had me. So she was a young parent herself and she didn't have much help from my grandparents. She knows what it's like to be a single mum and struggle and she didn't want to see me go through that. My mum stripped it back and told me the harsh reality."

"I was worried about how I was going to get money. It freaked me out a lot because I had no idea how I was going to support Avaana, even myself. And I was so worried I would resent her or I would be a bad mum because I didn't like kids. But once she got here it was just love at first sight. It really was."

Pregnant at 15

"I always thought about young mums, like, 'Put a bloody condom on', you know? 'You know the consequences of having sex'. Then I got myself pregnant so I can't really have that judgment anymore. I still think about that now. Like, I don't want anyone to go through the struggling stages of being a young mum. "

"The young mums I know, they don't do as much as me but they're more into their kids. They do anything for their kids. I don't really have time to do all that stuff with Taimana. It's kind of different. They're taking it slowly whereas I'm in a rush to finish my studies. I wanna do it now and not later. They're just going with the flow. That's cool, they're just being there for their kids."

"I just wanted to go to university and I thought I had to go back to school to do all that sort of stuff. I just wanted to prove something. I wanted to prove that even though I had a baby I could still do it. Being a mum has changed the way I look at life. I don't take life for granted. Just take one step at a time."

Pregnant at 15

"Me and my partner went out for my 18th birthday and we were talking about how things are so different now. Cause we were 15 when we fell pregnant. We were so unsupportive toward each other compared to now."

"We first started dating and then I fell pregnant and I decided against termination. He was real anti-pregnancy so I'd be like sitting down saying my feet are sore and he'd be like, 'Well this is your fault. You wanted to keep this child so you have to deal with the pain that comes with it'. So that was his mindset. It wasn't until Carter was born that he took the father role seriously. Where we are now is real like settled and there's no drama. It's really good and he helps heaps. He's got a decent job and it's just good."

"We've had hard times, it's just we worked through it and other couples have just kind of broken up. When Carter was real little it was just me getting up every night, breast feeding, changing, and that was hard. I would constantly bring that up. It was like bickering and nagging. It was a hard time. And then we went through a hard time with like, unfaithfulness. We dabbled in other people and then that just hurt our relationship. Just hurting each other for no real reason. Just childishness. We pretty much just said if it happens again that's it, we just won't try. And since then it's been okay. The past two years have been really good."

See more at Conversations With Teen Mums.