We’re a Plus-Sized Couple. Here’s What Love, Life, and Sex are Like For Us.

Growing up on the chubbier side of the human anatomy fence, one thing I learnt pretty early on is that no one will let you forget that you’re heavy. Even if I didn’t particularly remember that I was fat one morning, I was reminded by the time I was in line for the school bus. 

In India, getting called names like “mote,” “jadiye,” or “gende,” is commonplace. These are all variations on the slur “fatso,” and comparisons to animals like hippos, elephants, and bulls are plenty. But one thing you do as you grow up is take it all in your stride. Loads of chubby people indulge in self-deprecating humour if it means they get people to like them slightly more. Even Grammy award-winning artists like Sam Smith are not exempt from the trolling and fat shaming.

The fact that you serve as a punchline in society is only aggravated when you finally decide to look for somebody to love. I have previously covered how toxic it is for bigger guys on dating apps, and not much has changed in that landscape to this day, except perhaps some people owning their stocky, husky selves to deter haters from the very beginning. And when I did find love in someone who was the same size as me, everyone from friends to family was invested in how both of us chubby individuals could lead a healthy and fulfilling life together. As if the fact evaded our big-boned brains altogether. From dating apps to arranged marriage aunties, everyone’s out to get you.

So, this Valentine’s Day, I wanted to reach out to a fellow chubby couple and get their perspective, because it can be refreshing to see them thrive and own their narrative. One such couple is Jeet Mody and Salomi Shah, who spoke to VICE to help answer a lot of questions that plus-sized couples in India have to constantly deal with. 

Mody, 38, is a comedian and content writer, and Shah, 34, is a graphic designer. The two have been married for three years and lived together for a year before that. 

The couple first got to know each other when they were introduced by a family friend for an arranged marriage set-up. At first, they turned down each other since they were already seeing other people. But they remained friends over the next five years and eventually realised that the perfect match they were seeking was in front of them all along.

“From my side, I was always attracted to her,” said Mody, who invited Shah to an open mic night he was performing at five years ago. “She survived the show. And then at the end said, ‘You were not the worst, but you were in the bottom three.’ That’s the time I started thinking she might be really interested in me.” 

This was followed with “The Date” as the couple likes to put it, the clincher in their will-they-won’t-they story. They dressed to their nines for an elaborate fine-dining meal and over their joint love for good food, decided that they could not deny their love for each other.

From my own experience, I know that even when you do find love as a plus-sized person, it sometimes takes a lot of unlearning to fully accept yourself in the relationship. “I had major body issues, and I grew up with a sense of not belonging,” said Mody, who said that he would see his friends who were out on dates all the time, and would feel that he was undateable. “If a woman approached me for a coffee or a date, I used to think it’s too good to be true.” It took him a while to realise that when someone loves you, they don’t care about the superficial things. 

On the other hand, Shah, who grew up in a protective family, said that they always believed in putting up a front. She said, “We have been trained to look pretty and get all the qualifications just to get married. We’re told that you can do whatever you want after that. That does hit you, even if you say you don’t care.”

These experiences are similar for most plus-sized people and until I met my own partner, I too held reservations about why someone would love a person like me. Which is why it resonated with me when Mody said, “It does help when you’re in a relationship and completely accepted, then that wall breaks down. The perceptions that people who don’t care about you have, they don’t matter anymore.”

Fat-shaming – the act of criticising or drawing attention to someone’s weight, body type or eating habits – is pretty much a universal problem. Fatphobia is built into our day-to-day lives – the clothes we wear, the healthcare we receive, the TV shows we watch. Still, if there is one occasion in India where this nasty version of bullying shows up in all its glory, it’s the wedding day. In a piece VICE did earlier on how fat-shaming brides is disturbingly common in India, we’d quoted an Indian doctor who advocates sexual health, who had gone viral for pulling up a fashion brand for its discriminatory behaviour. She’d written about how the staff “looked at me up and down and asked, ‘oh *you* are getting married?’ as if I’m inherently unmarriageable.”

Both Mody and Shah had their own journeys to contend with too. “My brother and I got our suits stitched from the same fabric store,” said Mody. “[The salesperson] quoted a higher price for my suit. He said, ‘We’ll need more fabric for your suit.’ That’s when I felt like maybe I should lose weight, just for economic reasons if nothing else.” 

The debate around charging more for plus-sized clothing – dubbed “fat tax” – has been hotly contested for a while now. Retailers have argued that using more fabric and, in the case of Indian bridal wear, often more embroidery or embellishments, hike up the costs. The other side, however, says that if smaller-sized people aren’t getting discounts, plus-sized folks shouldn’t have to pay a surplus because it’s cruel to single out a body type.

In Shah’s case, it took a bit of convincing her mother and also herself to have the courage to wear the outfit of her dreams. “My mom kept asking me to wear the lehenga and choli in such a way that I hide everything from the side,” she said. “But I told her I’d learned from her on how not to care about what people think and wear whatever you enjoy.” She finally found her mum’s support in her choice of dress, and in retrospect, is only too glad to have gone with an outfit that she desired over one the society expects comes with a cover-all option.

When it comes to two chubby people making love, there’s always a whole lot of speculation. Friends who were confident enough to ask me how we do it have received detailed information about how my partner and I as two big dudes manage to hit the missionary position. “A lot of pillows,” is my go-to response.

For Mody and Shah, the idea that people question the idea of two curvaceous people having sex seems preposterous. “Our sex lives before we met were vastly different,” said Mody. “But after we met, there has never been a question about whether we can do this or if we can try that when it comes to lovemaking. We just go ahead and do it.”

The couple shared that they try everything you might see a mainstream (meaning slim) couple try in porn or popular media. If they aren’t comfortable with something sexually, they stop and catch a breath, and eventually try to get better at it. 

Mody added, “As far as stamina goes, since we weren’t averse to physical activity that’s never been a problem. A lot of sexual attraction happens when you spend time with the person, and you talk to the person. Since we were both older by the time we met, we looked beyond initial appearances. But yeah, I was really attracted to her on that first date. Very, very attracted. She knows.” 

For Shah, it’s just how the human body works, irrespective of where one is placed on the size chart. She said, “I’m indifferent to whatever comments people may pass. I am happy and Jeet is happy, and that’s all that matters. It’s never been a factor when being intimate with each other.”

He nudged her as they playfully argued about whether she intended to take him home that night. These two are just the most adorable couple and make you believe that soulmates do exist, and everyone deserves unfettered love and wholesome sex in their lives. 

Mody and Shah may not be the most famous duo with that name combo in India (IYKYK), but they are definitely the duo we need to emulate this season of love.

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