This article originally appeared on VICE UKWhen it comes to designing a dream office, most companies can't seem to get more creative than bean bags, a pool table, and a few potted plants. Things get more complicated when it comes to sex work. "We'd have a brothel cat," one sex worker told me. "Maybe a hot tub?" said Kate, who works in London. "That might be a little decadent but can you imagine how much more fun the sacred act of complaining about your last client would be if you were in a hot tub?"
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How you'd organize a workplace—safety, support, hot-tubs for bitching sessions, cake—is a conversation I've heard many times as sex workers discuss the fact that, in the UK, working together is illegal. While selling sex is legal, brothel-keeping is not, thanks to the archaic and poorly designed laws that govern the industry.So before you even get to the hot-tubs and cake, there's the crucial issue of safety. Nowadays, most UK sex workers make their livings indoors, either working for agencies or independently. That's a lot of women routinely working alone, in hotels or flats or strangers' homes. Surely there's a better, safer way. I asked some sex workers what their ideal workplace would look like, if we lived in a country that actually embraced decriminalization.Leanne
I often talk about this. My ideal brothel would be a co-op situation with me and a bunch of friends, with us not necessarily all doing the same sort of work. We could have a BDSM floor and vanilla floor. We'd have a chocolate fountain, and cake, and tea and coffee. There'd be a big kitchen so we could cook.You'd have the freedom to work whenever you want, knowing you had friends there. After you'd had a booking you could debrief with each other. It would be about the camaraderie; that's a really attractive aspect of decriminalization. I'm sick of being stuck in a hotel room or traveling to someone's house on my own. I can communicate with sex-working friends but it's not the same as working together and I still feel isolated.
Leanne
19 years old
The south-west
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Kate
27 years old
London
Sinead
37 years old
The north-east
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The co-op would have panic buttons in all the rooms, too. It's not nice to think about the bad side, but we have to be realistic, and it would be such a relief to know if anything did happen, the police would be instantly alerted.
Vera
39 years old
The south
Catriona
22 years old
Dublin
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The whole place would be decorated in vintage chic. The hallway the clients would walk in through would have a camera so that all the sex workers could see who the client was for safety. There'd also be a lovely chill out room with a bed and books.Sam
I work independently, but if I could share a flat with other workers without getting arrested, I would. We could form a co-op or just support each other informally.Being in my 30s and trans, I'm not very marketable so I have to hustle a lot for very few bookings. Considering how little use my room gets for what it costs, splitting the rent would mean I'd be under less pressure to choose between destitution and a dodgy sounding client.Prohibitionists talk about how we need the cops to protect us from "pimps." Clearly they don't know what cops are like. Often it's exactly the other way around. But bosses come with a lot of disadvantages: they restrict your freedom to work how you'd like, they take a cut of your earnings, they're often abusive. Under decriminalization, we'd have less need for bosses, which is why many of them are against it.Follow Frankie and Polly on Twitter.