Talking Shit About Private School With Private School Kids

Private schools and Australia’s obsession with them are an absurd phenomenon nobody really likes to talk about in any meaningful way. These publicly-funded yuppie incubators are everything that’s wrong with this country. 

If you pretend, for a second, that they aren’t being overfunded by about $1 billion a year while public schools are being underfunded by $6.8, the very concept of private schools – where children are explicitly sheltered within their kind and millions of dollars are dropped yearly on redundant shit like uniforms and edible flowers – is still twisted.

Then there’s the racism, bullying, abuse, and sexual assault. Discreetly handled, of course – when your school’s attended by the spawn of families earning a median income over $260,000 a year, reputation is everything.

Private schools are a publicly-funded spectacle. Of course, Australia is one of the few OECD countries that funnels its tax dollars into producing its next cohort of douchebag CEOs, Scott Morrisons and residents of Vaucluse… it just makes sense. Who else would lead us? Where else could that money be better spent? 

This is Australia, of course we fund our own class divide. 

But, not everyone who attended private school is filthy rich, or an asshole. They are the best schools in the country, and the fact that “a good education” is so necessary in this country to “succeed” isn’t anyone’s fault. It’s just capitalism. And maybe the government’s fault, too. We can always blame the government. And, for their abysmal overfunding, the perversion of Gonski.

But how do private school graduates feel about private school? Was it worth it? Would they send their kids? 

We asked them.

VICE: Do you feel bad that taxpayers funded your education?

Matt: No, because if you start to feel bad about where government money goes, you’ll feel bad about a lot of things. 

Do you think the price paid was worth it?

Probably not. For me, VCE wasn’t my thing, so money was certainly wasted (I made sure to let my parents know).

Do you think your school should be getting government money?

I think they should work out a threshold. Over a certain amount that they charge parents, they shouldn’t get government money. If they are free from government funding then they should be able to avoid, to an extent, government regulations and restrictions on the way they educate their students.

Would you send your kids to private school?

Yes, if I can afford it. My brother has taught at both public and private schools. At public schools he had to deal with significantly more trouble. 

What was the most beneficial part of your experience?

Being taught in a much more safe environment. Never dealt with many fights or major issues at my school. 

What was something glaringly shit?

The school cared WAY too much about their image, mainly surrounding uniforms. You had to show up and leave in your blazer.

Do you feel bad that taxpayers funded your education?

I feel bad that our school got so much money when we didn’t even need it. There were public schools back home that deserved funding, resources and renovations.

Do you think the price paid was worth it?

I grew up in rural Australia and my only option was to go to a private school and board. I don’t think the price my parents paid was worth it as I took art as an elective and we had the worst materials and our teacher didn’t care!! And the teaching was so ‘idgaf’ if we didn’t want to do sport or medicine or business.

What was something glaringly shit?

It was Catholic, sexual assault and harassment were rampant and occurred to myself and girls around me, and the school covered it up. The boys were allowed to do and say anything, and now some of them are playing in big rugby teams for Australia.

Do you think your school should be getting government money?

No, considering the chronic underfunding of public schools, particularly in socio-economically disadvantaged areas, for private schools to receive exorbitant sums and use it to build new pools and sports centres at the expense of those less fortunate, it's a piss take. It's socialism but only for the rich.

Do you think the price paid was worth it?

No, I don't think so. Whilst it generally opens up more opportunities and a sense of class security, the echochamber of privilege that students exist within discourages critical thinking and prevents any broader social conscience.

Would you send your kids to private school?

No, for the reasons stated above.

What was the most beneficial part of your experience?

Being surrounded by the next generation of corporate executives, politicians, and those who would go on to occupy other positions of significance and exert influence; seeing how maladjusted and ignorant their views were, it offered insight into the psychology of capitalism and how generational wealth materialises.

What was something glaringly shit?

In going to an all boys private school, not being able to develop ordinary relationships with women and having to adhere to a grotesque form of hegemonic masculinity – it really stunts personal growth and can engender distorted views around sex and gender.

Do you feel bad that taxpayers funded your education?

Absolutely. I don’t deserve it, the quality of the education shouldn’t be determined by money, no one deserves a better education than anyone else.

Do you think the price paid was worth it?

I got a great education, but I don’t think my education was, what, 40 times better than a public school education? Public school is around $1000 a year – my school was like $20,000 when I was there, now it’s probably doubled to $40,000. 

Would you send your kids to private school?

No. Even if I could afford it, I wouldn’t.

What was something terrible?

Even though it was a really good school, it was basically a housewife machine. I felt like the undercurrent was always encouraging us to network to meet a husband, rather than to foster everyone’s passions and interests. 

Do you think your school should be getting government money?

No.

Do you think the price paid was worth it?

Yes.

Would you send your kids to private school?

Yes – I went to a public one for a bit and it was too ratchet for any self-respecting children of mine.

What was the most beneficial part of your experience?

Going on cheap ski trips.

What was something glaringly shit?

The ‘footyhead’ culture is toxic and shitty and discourages people from being their true selves.

Do you think your school should be getting government money?

I don’t think private schools should get government funding as parents already put so much funding into schools from admission fees, there are even parents who donate extra money to private schools for buildings or resources to ensure their child’s security (I remember this one kid I’m friends with was so close to expulsion but because his parents donated heaps of money to the school, they were able to ‘sort something out’ so that he could keep attending). Public schools are literally so underfunded, so many can’t offer certain subjects because they don’t have enough funding to afford them.

Do you think the price paid was worth it?

I would say the price paid for the education is worth it, the resources and facilities that private schools offer are super high quality and paying the price you do ensures that your child gets into university, which I guess is the point of VCE. Kids that go to private school are way more likely to get into university because the majority of people in private school will get a 90+ ATAR and that will bump up everyone else’s.

Would you send your kids to private school?

Fuck no. Even if the education is good, the life-long trauma from going to a school with the most evil teachers and flop cohort will never be worth it. I’m still traumatised from my experience in private school. I went to a Christian private school and the racism, homophobia, misogyny et cetera that I experienced – that was never acknowledged by my school – was actually ridiculous.

What was the most beneficial part of your experience?

The most beneficial part of private school was honestly still having people I went to school with on social media. Because I stalk their accounts online and make fun of them. But for real some of these flops actually peaked in high school and it’s really funny to see where they’re at versus where I'm at now. Like I'm constantly having my Ha Ha Ha who’s laughing now!!! moment. And it feels awesome.

What was something glaringly shit?

I remember there was this one white guy who came to our muck-up day dressed as a Columbine school shooter, and literally no one batted an eye.

I would get into arguments with my Christian Studies teacher in front of the whole class because she would say that homosexuality was ‘unnatural’ and ‘sinful’. Classmates and ‘friends’ would make fun of the food I brought to school or call me names like ‘Ling Ling’, ‘Chink’ et cetera and teachers never gave a shit. Christian schools don’t give a fuck about that stuff, but the minute you mention something blasphemous or are questioning your faith, then all of a sudden they really care and will confront it.

Moving to public school, it’s not like the bullying stopped, but at least people were real about it and teachers would intervene and/or do something about it. In private school, so many students can get away with being evil shits because private schools care more about money than students’ wellbeing. Especially in religious private schools, there’re so many issues that are simply swept under the rug as teachers don’t know how to properly deal with them. So many teachers are completely underqualified and just hired on the basis of whether they attend church or not.

Do you think your school should be getting government money?

I think that the provision of taxpayer funds in any industry should be provided in the service of the public. My answer to this question is no, however, government contributions toward private schools should be contingent on the school’s ability to increase diversity in their student body (through scholarships, outreach programs etc.) If taxpayer contributions are to continue as they likely will, then it should be beneficial to more than just one party.

Do you feel bad that taxpayers funded your education?

Well it doesn’t feel amazing. But in my work now in community I do my best to ensure that I am sharing the skills and privilege/connections gained from that environment with those who were not afforded the same hand.

Do you think the price paid was worth it?

Not at all, I briefly attended a state school for my final years of high school and found the quality of education to be higher – although it’s worth noting that it was International Baccalaureate and not the standard Australian curriculum. That being said, you don’t send your children to a private school solely for the education quality (that's just lip service) – it’s more about access to a network, or in my case, access to an education that is guided by religious teaching.

Would you send your kids to private school?

If I were in the position to do so then yes, but not for their entire schooling. Early childhood and primary education is an imperative time to introduce a child to diversity that they may not experience in a typical private school education. 

So, state primary and then private high school with a focus on gaining access to elite spaces with the intention of sharing that with others.

What was the most beneficial part of your experience?

I think that my career success relative to others my age has been in part thanks to the type of encouragement I received in private school. The understanding in those environments is that they’re raising the next generation of leaders and they teach you how to hold yourself with that kind of confidence. It bodes well in interviews and corporate environments to get a foot in the door.

What was something glaringly shit?

Being queer at a Christian school infamous for going out of its way to exclude children that are like me.

Do you think your school should be getting government money?

No. Absolutely not. The way resources were allocated was mainly to create a spectacle around the wealth of the cohort, parents and alumni.

Do you feel bad that taxpayers funded your education?

Yes. So much useless shit happens in private schools. They put edible flowers in the canteen food.

Do you think the price paid was worth it?

I do think there are definitely ways where the expensive fees are justified. There is a lot of privilege that comes with going to a private school. But I do think that kids still fall through cracks regardless and therefore can’t reap the rewards as much – I definitely didn’t.

Would you send your kids to private school?

No. I was sent to private school by immigrant parents who thought it was the only way to be safe, not be bullied and excel. Most of my parents' wages went to sending me to school and we lived a very quiet and secluded life on the other side of the city. I think being amongst a community of people that I could not relate to at all did harm to me, the opposite of what my parents intended and sacrificed for. There was a lot of racism, overt and covert, favouritism and classism.

I think you can have a very fruitful education at a public school and omit the pretentious details. I think private school is only worth it if you are privileged both inside and out of school. I left that privilege at graduation, in my experience.

What was something glaringly shit?

R. A. C. I. S. M. Some of the racist shit that happens is actually jaw dropping.

Do you think the price paid was worth it?

Absolutely not worth the price! The education is only good for those who fit within the box and if you don’t then they put more effort into discipline and punishment than education.

Would you send your kids to private school?

I would never send my kids to private school.

What was the most beneficial part of your experience?

To be honest I found nothing particularly beneficial but I was kicked out in year 9 and then went to different schools after that lol.

What was something glaringly shit?

The girls were often kept behind and made to kneel on the floor while our skirt hems were measured, literally line up and kneel down to check if our skirts were touching the ground and therefore adhered to uniform policy! While the boys got to go to early lunch or whatever? So wild!

Someone I knew was told they (they identified as she/her at the time) were not allowed to cut their hair short because they were a girl and if they wanted short hair they would have to do it as part of Shave for a Cure. There were so many stupid ridiculous things like that, I would say 99% of the school's time and effort was put into enforcing uniform policy.

Do you feel bad that taxpayers funded your education?

Looking back, yes. I think there’s much more important things such as public housing that the money could have been spent on.

Would you send your kids to private school?

No, it’s not worth it for me. If I decide to have children, and need to provide for them. I would rather a house than a private school.

What was the most beneficial part of your experience?

I can’t say that I’ve done much with my private school education – I dropped out of uni, worked full time, and now I’m unemployed. If anything, the most beneficial experience was that private school helped put the world into perspective for me, surrounded by some of Melbourne’s richest families, Porsches, and Kooyong Lawn Tennis Club memberships. It made me realise I don’t want to be a part of the private school bubble. 

What was something glaringly shit?

Some of the girls that I went to boarding school with… Fresh 18 y/os getting $70k Volkswagen Golfs as their first car.

Do you feel bad that taxpayers funded your education?

I don’t because I think taxpayer dollars should support everyone’s education. It’s not their money that makes me feel bad but it’s the unfair advantage it’s contributed to. I’m perhaps more embarrassed in the systems we have in place.

Do you think the price paid was worth it?

I think partly the price my parents paid was worth it. I wouldn't have received the score I got in year 12 without the school I went to and how they knew how to get kids high scores and ‘hack the system’. The difference in resources available and how much teachers get paid is an immense privilege. But I think this is an unfortunate reality. 

Would you send your kids to private school?

I’d like to believe in the Australian public education system however I don’t – ideally yes.

What was something glaringly shit?

I think entitlement, the people and families you’re exposed to contribute to a lot of unnecessary and unrealistic comparisons. As a non-white person, private school is a very white wealthy environment and it really suppressed me embracing my cultural identity.

Follow Arielle on TikTok and Instagram.

Read more from VICE Australia.