If I had a dollar for every time I went to town as a fresher I - actually, no, I still wouldn’t be able to pay off my student loan. The experience of a first year is quite something. You may damage your liver, swipe your One Card and miss as many lectures as your Mum’s calls, but it all comes with the territory. Just don’t be that person who leaves their dishes to soak. No one likes that person.You’re half-way in………, Here’s what to look forward to in the rest of your eventful and penniless first year:The 5-week flu: It’s that time again, when you need to avoid buying the $21.99 Lemsip-devil-liquid that tastes like the cursed offspring of Limoncello and mothballs. The key is to call home when you’ve lost 85 percent of your voice. The ideal outcome is that your Mum feels so bad that you get the money sent to you so you can then spend it on enough alcohol to forget that you’re sick for a night.Alternative option: Quarantine your flat - this is why we have e-lectures.The person who takes, “No-question-is-a-dumb-question,” seriously: Don’t repeat the mistakes of last semester. Don’t sit near them. Do NOT be them.Castle Street: The icon of Otago welcomes you with open arms and a vomit bucket. Head-shaves and peeing on each other are just a few of the initiation joys you have to look forward to in Re-O Week. Us generic students will always be here to support and ‘heart react’ afterwards.Mee goreng: Getting your 5+ a day is important, but at under $1 a packet there really is no argument. By now you’ll have realised that you can’t live off UberEats without the free delivery. Also it includes onion. Onion is a vegetable. Case in point.Drinks: “I have no money,” translates to, “I use my Studylink for drinks in town,” in student-speak - just don’t disclaim this because you still owe people money for splitting an Uber in December. Stop trying to be a GC and buying everyone Jagerbombs, you’ll cry to your ANZ bank statements the next morning.Funnel-guy: If you haven’t met him yet, you will. Enter a party with a freshly opened Cruiser and he will force it down the funnel, yell at you to, “drop a knee,” and encourage the party to stare at you in shame unless you scull every drop of that 275ml. You’ll hate him. You can’t get rid of him. Trust me.Mum: Called only when you need to ask whether you can refreeze your meat. (You can’t, I asked).Naps: An hour till your next class? Study break? Finished eating Lunch? You are nocturnal now. Nights are for finishing an assignment due the next day. Days are for napping and accidentally missing class.Note-taker-Tash: Sits next to you in the lecture and types every single word spoken. Caution: your brain may explode before her keyboard does. Don’t get mad at Tash, you need her notes for when the flu quarantines you to your bed.Fresher Five: If someone has escaped first year without putting on at least 5 kgs they should get some sort of salad trophy. You will want that chicken at 2am on Saturday. I couldn’t tell you how to avoid this because I live across the road from a fried chicken shop. Fuck.Just don’t buy a car, it avoids the temptation of driving to Krispy Kreme. Oh, who am I kidding, you can’t afford a car anyway.Saturday: Say goodbye to it. You’ll forget it even happened when you wake up Sunday with a headache the size of the 1885 entry line.Jacinda Ardern: Don’t forget to marry her. You are getting your first year free. Yes, the rest of us are still salty.For more updates on the disgusting details of student life, follow Sophia on Twitter
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