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Since the dawn of pooing, people have craved some kind of distraction. It wasnāt that long ago that a rack of unhygienic magazines and newspapers was a common sight next to a bowl. But the iPhone changed that forever. Now, from the comfort of toilet seats everywhere, people can enjoy the infinite baby scroll that is Instagram, or can organise hot dates via Bumble. And all the while they can be distracted from what they're actually doing.In fact, when was the last time you took a crap without using social media? To find out, we asked around Melbourne.VICE: Hey man, how often do you shit without using Instagram?
Jared: Shit without using Instagram? Man, fuck. Never. I seriously always use Instagram every time I shit.How come?
I donāt know. I just have to keep myself occupied while Iām shitting, you know. It kind of distracts myself from it I suppose.What do you like to look at instead?
Skating clips usually.Is Instagram your only distraction of choice?
Itās usually just Instagram. I donāt use Facebook very often anymore. I use Facebook just to reply to texts.How often do you shit and not look at Instagram?
C: Really! Seriously, all the time. I never take my phone in bathroom.
H: Yeah, I donāt sit on it, I go when I need to go and then Iām done.
C: Yeah! You either hurry up or you can go to Instagram.So, you guys are all about getting it done quick?
C: I think itās different for girls, weāre just quick with everything.
H: Yeah, all girls I know, when they gotta go they go and its done.Isnāt it boring to shit without Instagram?
C: You donāt want to sit there, thatās just as boring. Plus, you canāt get stuff done on the toilet! See thatās the difference between men and women.
H: Yeah, I donāt think you can talk to people while shitting. Itās weird.Is there a reason why Instagram isnāt allowed?
H: Thereās a high risk of dropping it in the toilet, which Iāve done multiple times.
C: For me, I just hate taking my phone in the bathroom.How often do you shit without using Instagram?
Thatās good question. I donāt know maybe 30 percent of the time. 70 percent of the time I use Instagram. Itās just a way to relax me.What do you get up to in this time?
Usually get in touch with myself spiritually and just embrace the moment on toilet.Do you consider yourself a spiritual person?
Only on the toilet. I really like the solitude when I take a shit.Is Instagram the only way for you to reach spiritual enlightenment?
No, no, its all social media. I donāt discriminate.Ever swipe away on tinder or slide into someoneās DMs while on the shitter?
No, Iāve got a girlfriend. But I message her while Iām on the toilet. She doesnāt like it though. But, I send a selfie every now then. Not of the produce, just of me. My face, getting it out.How often do you take a shit without using Instagram?
Itās quite rare that I take a shit without using Instagram, because I have issues with my stomach, so it takes a while for me to go.So, does Insta help you go?
It doesnāt help me, itās just something to do while passing the time. Itās just a bit of down time.What makes a good Instagram distraction?
Nothing too specific. Just the feed really. I also really like Pinterest. I like to be inspired by home ideas and think about home redecorating while on the toilet.How often do you shit without using Instagram?
Iād say relatively often. I do my best writing on the toilet. I wouldnāt say Iām the biggest Instagram shitter. I know people that are religiously Instagram shitters.What do you mean by best writing on the toilet?
I write lyrics and sometimes Iāll have some of my best breakthroughs there. Itās very personal. My brain is just kinda off I guess.If your brains turned off couldnāt that be dangerous for your phone?
Good point. I donāt put my phone in my back pocket when Iām going to the toilet, because I know it could fall out. Iām not about that life.Ever thought about how dirty it is to use your phone on the toilet?
Who touches their shit while on the phone? And how often do you miss and touch shit? I donāt think about it and it doesnāt bother me.How often do you shit while using Instagram?
I donāt have it on a scale, or anything. I donāt know when Iām going for a poo so I donāt have to have my phone on me when go into the bathroom.Sounds like you donāt think about it?
Definitely not. Iām not that desperate for human connection. Iāve got enough of it around me. But Iād say whatās the likelihood me having my phone on me itās probably 50/50.Now that youāve thought about it do you have reason why you donāt take it in?
No. I donāt have reason why for either. Iāve never monitored my internet actions while on the toilet. If itās in my hand itās coming with me, if not it doesnāt. And I probably wonāt ponder it that much after.Follow Stephen on Twitter
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Jared, 21
Jared: Shit without using Instagram? Man, fuck. Never. I seriously always use Instagram every time I shit.How come?
I donāt know. I just have to keep myself occupied while Iām shitting, you know. It kind of distracts myself from it I suppose.What do you like to look at instead?
Skating clips usually.Is Instagram your only distraction of choice?
Itās usually just Instagram. I donāt use Facebook very often anymore. I use Facebook just to reply to texts.
Haley, 25 and Cambria, 26, both from the US
C: Really! Seriously, all the time. I never take my phone in bathroom.
H: Yeah, I donāt sit on it, I go when I need to go and then Iām done.
C: Yeah! You either hurry up or you can go to Instagram.So, you guys are all about getting it done quick?
C: I think itās different for girls, weāre just quick with everything.
H: Yeah, all girls I know, when they gotta go they go and its done.Isnāt it boring to shit without Instagram?
C: You donāt want to sit there, thatās just as boring. Plus, you canāt get stuff done on the toilet! See thatās the difference between men and women.
H: Yeah, I donāt think you can talk to people while shitting. Itās weird.Is there a reason why Instagram isnāt allowed?
H: Thereās a high risk of dropping it in the toilet, which Iāve done multiple times.
C: For me, I just hate taking my phone in the bathroom.
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David, 20
Thatās good question. I donāt know maybe 30 percent of the time. 70 percent of the time I use Instagram. Itās just a way to relax me.What do you get up to in this time?
Usually get in touch with myself spiritually and just embrace the moment on toilet.Do you consider yourself a spiritual person?
Only on the toilet. I really like the solitude when I take a shit.Is Instagram the only way for you to reach spiritual enlightenment?
No, no, its all social media. I donāt discriminate.Ever swipe away on tinder or slide into someoneās DMs while on the shitter?
No, Iāve got a girlfriend. But I message her while Iām on the toilet. She doesnāt like it though. But, I send a selfie every now then. Not of the produce, just of me. My face, getting it out.
Madison, 24
Itās quite rare that I take a shit without using Instagram, because I have issues with my stomach, so it takes a while for me to go.So, does Insta help you go?
It doesnāt help me, itās just something to do while passing the time. Itās just a bit of down time.What makes a good Instagram distraction?
Nothing too specific. Just the feed really. I also really like Pinterest. I like to be inspired by home ideas and think about home redecorating while on the toilet.
Kobe, 19
Iād say relatively often. I do my best writing on the toilet. I wouldnāt say Iām the biggest Instagram shitter. I know people that are religiously Instagram shitters.What do you mean by best writing on the toilet?
I write lyrics and sometimes Iāll have some of my best breakthroughs there. Itās very personal. My brain is just kinda off I guess.
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Good point. I donāt put my phone in my back pocket when Iām going to the toilet, because I know it could fall out. Iām not about that life.Ever thought about how dirty it is to use your phone on the toilet?
Who touches their shit while on the phone? And how often do you miss and touch shit? I donāt think about it and it doesnāt bother me.
Ellen, 24 from Ireland
I donāt have it on a scale, or anything. I donāt know when Iām going for a poo so I donāt have to have my phone on me when go into the bathroom.Sounds like you donāt think about it?
Definitely not. Iām not that desperate for human connection. Iāve got enough of it around me. But Iād say whatās the likelihood me having my phone on me itās probably 50/50.Now that youāve thought about it do you have reason why you donāt take it in?
No. I donāt have reason why for either. Iāve never monitored my internet actions while on the toilet. If itās in my hand itās coming with me, if not it doesnāt. And I probably wonāt ponder it that much after.Follow Stephen on Twitter